Internal thoughts of a Dragon, the morning after....

I, Dragon of the upstairs bathroom, hereby upon my death and internal dismemberment, bequeath my worldly possessions as such:

Wherever my general belongings, aka: stuff, happens to be, it is to be sold on eBay, as surely the value will be higher after I die.

My beloved car, I regrettably leave to the insufferable one who left me here to die alone. Which is kind of nice of me, in my opinion, on account of being left on the floor to rot. But it's not like he wouldn't steal it anyway if I left it to someone else.

And lastly, I leave my final paycheck to Brooklyn, for a new collar. Because she needs one.

That is all.

I'm On a Boat, Bitch!!

Introducing the U.S.S. Independence. Not since the days of Ludacris has something moved bitches out of it's way so emphatically. Just throwin' bows all over the 7 seas. This 418 ft beast has 2 diesels, 2 gas turbines, 4 massive water-jets, and a retractable bow mounted thruster that rotates 360 degrees. All this means that the Independence can top 60 mph. But it's more than just speed; with it's assortment of 50-cals, it's SeaRam missile launcher, and MK 110 deck gun-- it packs a punch too. Couple all of this with it's menacing looks and The Independence will have camel jockeys stockpiling bed pans in Scandinavian caves. Think the Navy is happy with what the boys in 'Bama have built? I should say so, they've just ordered another one.