Oh, Sugar, You Just Gone and Done the Dumbest Thing...

Fake Geek Girl. i.e., a female who attempts to infiltrate the tightly knit subculture of geekdom by using her "wiles" and pretending to be "into geeky things" when she isn't actually interested, to the catastrophically deviant endgame of...well...I don't think the idiots that developed this idea have gotten that far yet. I'm fairly certain all they've got is: "Well, they trick us into liking them, and looking at them, and...and...it makes them feel better about themselves...which is bad and makes us furious because they don't actually know anything about being a geek!"

Oh yeah. This is actually a thing, and it's actually happening, and as of now- its actually pissed me off.

Apparently, the "Fake Geek Girl" (I'm just going to use "Feek" from now on, if that's okay with you) dresses up and goes to conventions without actually knowing the entire and complete back story of her character, down to that last nuance-y fling with Daredevil in that one issue no one ever talks about. Oh the horror! She's the Booth Babe who is only there and dressed like that to collect a paycheck, because no one needs money in today's economy. She's the girl in the gamer t-shirt who can't completely follow the conversation the guys she just met are having about Portal. She's...holy cannoli, she's EVERYWHERE!!
---- Except she ISN'T.

The origins of the Feek BS lie with some misogynistic elitists of BOTH genders, yes women can hate women- keep up, who have a deep seeded hatred of cosplay, i.e., dressing up in costume. Cosplay. COStume PLAY.  They felt that cosplayers are just "playing dress-up" in order to gain power through feeding off the lust of lower mortals who happen to gaze upon their spandex-clad bodies, and have no real respect for the costume they've donned. This is half correct- people in costumes have in fact put on costumes. Very profound. However, in all of the conventions I have been to, never have I ever seen the swirling pale blue wisps indicative of someones life force being drained and used to increase the power of another. Should anyone actually see this happening, then that succubus is definitely a Feek, and someone should use a binding spell on her at once before our community is tainted by her fakeness.
Another argument I've heard is the: "But we were outcast for our geekdom, and now THEY just get to show up and be socially accepted! They must be fake because only a TRUE geek knows what it's like to eat lunch alone in the bathroom because you don't fit in."
First of all, it was my CAR, not the bathroom. And I ate there because I wanted to. Stupid cafeteria was too crowded anyway. I didn't want their stupid chairs and their stupid foam trays and laughter and friends and their stupid stupidness.
~-- And now, a digression--~
My first car, FYI, was a 1974 Beetle. And it was yellow, and it was BUMBLEBEE, and it was freaking AWESOME because of that. Thus, it really grinds my gears when someone who doesn't know my love of the Robots in Disguise goes WAY back (the original movie in 1984 came out on my birthday, it was my first trip to the movies) looks at my yellow 2010 camaro and claims I only got it to look like the movies. Yes, I got it because it's Bumblebee, but not to jump on the movie bandwagon- but because it's freaking AWESOME.  And if someone else got theirs because of the movies and it sparked an intrest for Transformers in them--- THAT'S OKAY!!!
Back to being picked on...
So what we're saying now is basically "eff you, noobs, you can't come in until you have been publicly rejected by all other groups?" That is flaming ridiculous, and here's why:
Newsflash homies, this country is NOT what the world was when we were growing up. It's a wee more tolerant. And who are we to fault the newer generation for wanting in on our little slice of the pi? Media has now made us cool. But does being the new cool mean we have to become the new bullies and exclude everyone else? Didn't that treatment make us who WE are? So by closing our clubhouse off would we not just be inviting a new subculture of diet Geeks to form? HAS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA TAUGHT YOU NOTHING!!! THEY WILL EVOLVE AND REBEL AND THEY WILL COME AFTER US!!!!! Oh nerdmanity, ye be warned.

Because of this new call for identifying and casting out Feeks, any girl showing any interest in anything geeky is now branded fake until her GeekCred can be proven. I do not agree with this. Lets go back to the "who is the fake geek girl" section several paragraphs ago. Remember the girl in the costume that didn't know the whole back story? Why exactly does that make her fake? Maybe she's new to the whole comic scene, and she really is passionate about it, but just doesn't have the ions of spare time it would take to suss out every issue her character has ever popped a thought bubble in? Now that DC has put out its New 52 lines, that CANNOT be used as a measuring stick anymore. Everything is new and the whole POINT of that was to bring in new people, give people a chance to get into this world on a (not the, but a) ground floor. SO what does that say about us as a group that we would invite people in then instantly brand them a fake because they don't know "enough?" Say there's a younger girl who has recently started reading Batgirl. She really loves the character, and the whole Gotham scene, and she'd like to take the next step and hit a convention. She's new to comics, but she loves what she knows so far, and she assumes that at a convention- she won't be ostracized for her new love. This story can end two ways. She can get to the convention and be met by an inquisition into her knowledge of Batgirl, then belittled for the blank look on her face at the mention of Betty Kane, branded a fake, leave the convention and never pick up a comic again...OR, she can have a GREAT time, meeting people with similar interests, pick up some NEW interests (I hear Aquaman is badass,) and leave with new friends, a bag full of stuff, and a fresh desire to go back BEYOND the new stuff and read everything she can get her hands on. Which sounds better to you? Which sounds like the path we wanted offered to us when we were her age? Everyone starts somewhere, why turn them off the path at the starting line?

Also, just because someone doesn't know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING does not mean they don't know ANYTHING about SOMETHING. I own an Xbox, I have an above average knowledge of video games, but my knowledge is mostly SNES era. I'm working on getting better at the new stuff, but always feel like as soon as I start getting the hang of things it's time to put the controller down. I would hate to be considered a Feek because I suck at first person shooters. Would that really be fair? What if someone is so wired to Halo their trigger finger twitches in their sleep, but doesn't remember the Oregon Trail? Do we cast them out then?

A brief note on Booth Babes: Advertising with scantily clad models is on its way out, but I feel as though it needs to be said that these girls aren't Feeks, because they aren't TRYING to be geeks. They're selling a product, and earning a check to do it. I've done this job oodles of times, and that does not instantly wipe all my knowledge of Super Heroes, or mean I'm fake. It means I got to do something I was going to do anyway (go to cons in costume) for FREE, *AND* get paid to do it. My case there is not the norm, my employer was always kind enough to let me select/make/wear my own costumes, and gave me ample time to sniff around and enjoy the convention between bouts of passing out flyers and peddling wares. One can be both a geek and a Booth Babe, but someone who is JUST a Booth Babe isn't posing as a geek- she's posing for pictures as a salesman.

This brings me to another argument I've heard: "She's definitely a Fake Geek, she's too pretty."
If you've ever said this- someone needs to punch you in the middle of your face until their hand breaks. Being pretty does not exclude someone from the ability to possess knowledge of and enjoy all of the wonderful things our culture has to offer. A pretty girl is not the equivalent of a stupid girl. Grow up. Stop stereotyping me, and I'll stop assuming you hook your suspenders to your underoos.

Why is this worth Dragon Rage?

I ran to the store earlier for some essential ingredients needed to turn a whole pumpkin into a pie. I do that. Turn pumpkins into pies. It's labor intensive and a hateful process but a pie from scratch is so much cooler than a pie from a can. Anyway, I'm wearing my Schrödinger's Cat is Dead/Not Dead shirt, and I barely heard someone say "She doesn't even know what her shirt means" before he disappeared. I've never had anyone try to question my geekdom before. I'd be a pretty invested fake if that were the case. Heaven forbid I finally get my comic shop open only to discover years down the line that I've been faking this whole time, and I'm not really interested. Un-frigging-likely.  Does the fact that I also love sports and cars diminish my geeky light? My hot wheels have sat on my desk next to the Daleks for quite some time now, and no one has been exterminated. The Lego AT-AT Walker has not begun shooting at me for my rebellion. Do I have enough toys and knowledge to keep my credibility as a geek? The other night I heard someone in a restaurant say my friend and I were only wearing glasses to look cool...OR, I wear them because I'm blind as a bat and didn't want to rely on sonar to see my Vietnamese food.

So where is the line? How far do they think so-called Feeks are willing to go to pretend? I feel that if they've invested any time or energy into their geeky niche, that gives them credibility. There is no "Wannabe" Geek, but there is "New" Geek. And we shouldn't be denying anyone the title of "Geek" if they want it. Why would pretending to be a geek even be a thing? And why does the prospect upset people so much? If someone decides they want to fake their way through a conversation or a convention, it isn't hurting anyone. Someone's lack of knowledge doesn't detract from my own. If someone enjoys comics or gaming but it isn't their life, they aren't fake because they still ENJOY it, they just have other things in their lives too. And that's OKAY. A world where we have to constantly prove our worthiness of the Geek title through trials and tests of knowledge sounds suspiciously like proving our prowess through one-handed push-ups. We know what world that is, because it's the one that cast us out initially. Let us not become that world. And for all we know, the guy or girl doing the one-handed push-ups has a huge Thor collection that they'd really like to be able to talk about with someone, but are too afraid of not being accepted. Geek shouldn't be an exclusive club, it should be open admission to anyone who loves the culture. If you love geekdom, find acceptance here. That's how we all ended up here after all, isn't it? To find acceptance for the things we love?

Manning Up

I admit, not the cleverest of titles.
There's not a whole lot of great wordplay's out there for Peyton Manning though; MANning DOWN!, Placing Peyton, Guy With Copiously Large Forehead...

Peyton Manning, former fulcrum of the Indianapolis Colts is roaming about the country looking for a new team to call home after being out with an injury for the entire last season which resulted in the Colts winning what, maybe one game?
I'm of the mindset that the Colts wouldn't have let him go, seeing as they've proven that winning without him defies the laws of physics, if he was still worth anything (to this, Anthony replies "Andrew Luck", which brings to mind many colorful quips to be used in the future about luck running out.) However, nearly every team is scrambling to woo the aging quarterback to their locker rooms. Why? He's old and injured. The chances of him Favre-ing out are way bigger than the chances of him marching some half rate team to new victorious heights. Am I the only person that see's this?
Anthony says I'm "100% wrong. Wrong and wronger." Which is a lot of wrong when you stack it all up. I guess time will tell, and we'll see later this year.

P.S.- "Farve-ing Out": verb. The act of being an old slightly washed up quarterback trying so hard to reclaim his youth and former glory that he refuses to see his own irrelevance, to the point of tarnishing old "legendary" status with mockery and you-tube parodies.